BRATTLEBORO — The recent Malfunction Junction special Selectboard meeting provided a big update, where nothing happened - except a comedy of evasions.
Evasion #1: After Orion Barber addressed the problem of exiting from the Co-op parking lot, stating it was a “terrible experience and it's really dangerous,” unnamed “officials” replied, according to the Reformer, that the same pattern is regularly used all over the state.
I take this to be a response, but not a reply to the question, and it no doubt unintentionally recommended the pattern used all over the state as being “really dangerous.” This comment apparently closed the issue.
Evasion #2: Mr. Barber had also recommended that each lane be released one at a time as a safe solution, to be met by the comment as phrased by the Reformer that “the engineers would not entertain the possibility of another right of way for those exiting the co-op.”
The reason was that it would all take too long, but see #4 below for their own recommendations. If you cannot move forward, then you get to sit in the co-op parking lot, which takes a lot of time, and the cars behind you in the busiest parking lot in town also take a lot of time.
You would almost think these engineers were paying their own money in their own neighborhood, no? What is the meaning of “would not entertain”?
Evasion #3: Instead, the engineers offered an alternative that is so facetious you would think they came from New Mexico, not Vermont. They would (maybe) put in “cat tracks,” they proposed, to help the public understand how the system goes - but they would do so in the spring.
Pity Vermont has a five-month winter, so the cat tracks will be under snow and ice and invisible - we can't even afford good paint for the normal road markings. And pity, too, that all the people traveling through this primary junction in town will not only be locals, but may also even be from New Mexico.
Evasion #4: Traffic turning left onto Main Street on a green light means that the traffic must yield to traffic from Route 119 from Hinsdale. The traffic leaving the co-op (on a green light) must wait until there is opportunity to cross and no cars on Route 119.
Putting aside the point that there is now always traffic on Route 119, and even if you are aware of the path of oncoming traffic, here is what happens: you wait, and wait some more in the middle of the road, and the Route 119 traffic turning right fills up Main Street so when the light changes (the light you can no longer see) your vehicle is blocking all other vehicles, and they blow their horns at you, and tractor trailers can't get around you, or worse, they try to.
The question is, how do you know you must give way to traffic from Route 119? Maybe a giant, amber, blinking asterisk beside the green light, and a large sign qualifying what green means, can explain in detail how you should behave, and the light itself should be alternating sorta-green, sorta-red.
Evasion #5: Ann Wright from the Austine School said the new pedestrian crossing signals were “dangerous” to both the general public and sight-impaired people, since the chirping does not indicate it is safe to cross. The engineers said they would go off and think about it.
Evasion #6: The list of complaints continued in the newspaper until the abrupt statement that the Selectboard thanked the VTrans employees for showing up.
The issues above are not comprehensive, and at least one other result of the slowed-down traffic is that Main Street is now always full of cars and diesel trucks, and that is going to smell just great in the summer in one of the best downtowns in New England.
Evasion #7: When the train came through a week ago, Malfunction Junction had all-red lights for five minutes. Traffic was backed up onto Route 30 and onto Putney Road. The train actually runs parallel to Main Street, and only bisects Route 119, but somehow shut down all traffic in the town for five minutes.
Evasion #8: Problem? What problems? An unnamed resident wished to change the designation from Malfunction Junction to the Main Street Junction, and apparently attendees of the meeting agreed. But I don't think so!
I don't think that name is going to catch on. I do agree that the name should be changed, but to Evasion Junction, where you get to evade other traffic while the matter of who is responsible for all also remains evasive.
Evasion #9: Perhaps the engineers will be forced “to entertain” making significant changes when there is a fender bender or worse in the middle of Evasion Junction, and the tow truck, police, ambulance, or fire truck can't get there in a timely way because the streets are clogged with traffic and backed up for a mile in every direction.
Or a lawyer ....