BRATTLEBORO-I took a break from watching the ongoing three-ring circus of train wrecks in the news (our environmental, social, and political self-destruction), to enjoy a bit of good news - relating to death, of all things.
The Latchis Theatre hosted a film and presentation on green burial by Michelle Hogle Acciavatti from Vermont Forest Cemetery, organized by Brattleboro Area Hospice. I have long been concerned about how we process the natural deaths of friends and family, and how we avoid thinking about our own inevitable end.
Though I have been most often faced with the qualities of the ceremony that might follow a death, I have long appreciated the work of hospice volunteers, and I have been troubled by the extremely high costs borne by grieving families of modern funeral practices.
In our region, hospice volunteers have brought comfort, help, and advice to families. Resources have expanded to include Hospice of the Fisher Home in North Amherst, Massachusetts, with beds for people who can't be taken care of at home, and a couple of hospice choirs, the Hallowell Singers, based here in southeastern Vermont, and the Eventide Singers in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Hospice is all about making the transition a compassionate one.
After death, the focus ideally turns to helping family and friends adjust. I have found myself at an increasing number of funerals and celebrations of life recently and, sadly, missed a few.
The best ones, the ones where everyone left feeling better, were those with stories about the person and how they enriched the lives of those around them - the more irreverent the stories, the better. I want to leave the event feeling like I know this person much better, even if it was someone I already thought I knew well.
The worst ones were when the deceased is hardly mentioned. Decades ago, I went to the funeral for an old dairy farmer I worked for as a teenager. The minister rented for the occasion did not know this man. Those in attendance did, and had stories to tell - good stories. I mentioned this to the funeral director, but to no avail. As you might have guessed, I'm still salty about it.
On to how we deal with the remains. I'm not going to bash the funeral industry. I will say that my idea of best practices and theirs differ.
The fact that they didn't put up too much of a fight when changes to state law were proposed (to the point where it passed unanimously), and some are including natural burial in their practices, is to their credit and to the benefit of everyone. The practice of natural burial is clearly environmentally better, is relatively inexpensive, and reduces funeral workers' exposure to formaldehyde.
The remarkable thing is that it seems to also help bring more peace to those left behind.
Though even universal adoption of natural burial practices would only make a small dent in our apparent headlong slide towards self destruction, I find it gives me hope.
Michelle, as she was helping us find better ways to die, was visibly pregnant with her first child. It could not have been a better illustration of the circle of life.
Let's keep finding way to make these sorts of dents, and we might turn our relationship with each other and the planet around, for all of our children.
Fric Spruyt
Brattleboro
This letter to the editor was submitted to The Commons.
This piece, published in print in the Voices section or as a column in the news sections, represents the opinion of the writer. In the newspaper and on this website, we strive to ensure that opinions are based on fair expression of established fact. In the spirit of transparency and accountability, The Commons is reviewing and developing more precise policies about editing of opinions and our role and our responsibility and standards in fact-checking our own work and the contributions to the newspaper. In the meantime, we heartily encourage civil and productive responses at [email protected].