Susan MacNeil, the executive director of AIDS Services for the Monadnock Region from 2000 to 2014, was a founding board member of Keene Pride and served on the Bellows Falls Pride Committee. This piece was written to mark National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11 and LGBTQIA+ History Month in October.
BELLOWS FALLS-What's your favorite color?
I recall this as one of the earliest questions I ever actually had to consider. Was it blue for water and sky? Green for newly mowed grass? Pink for that ruffled flower-girl dress I wore to my aunt's wedding when I was 10 years old? Yellow for the perfection of daffodils and sunflowers?
My brain would consider the possibilities at lightning speed, worried that there was a favorite color I was supposed to choose, the right one in order to please others.
But what if I got it wrong?
* * *
Determining your true colors takes a lifetime. The color palette changes over time as relationships are reviewed, revisited, and refined. We develop connections because we embrace the color palettes of those dear to us, celebrating the fact that not everyone needs to have the same identifying paint box.
Who we are changes from moment to moment, influenced by age and by daily experiences and revelations. A splash of color today may become somber brown-and-black hues tomorrow.
It doesn't make it wrong to move along the color spectrum or, more specifically, the colors of the rainbow.
* * *
Which leads me to Cyndi Lauper.
In 1986, she had a hit with the song, "True Colors," and it pretty much instantly became the anthem for anyone who considered themselves a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Two years later, in 1988, Jean O'Leary and Robert Eichberg established National Coming Out Day to bring about awareness of the crisis faced by members of the LGBTQ+ community. It was celebrated for the first time on Oct. 11, 1988, the first anniversary of the second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.
The day is meant to encourage gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender people, and other members of the LGBTQ+ community to come out of the closet - a metaphor the community has used to mean recognizing and revealing one's authentic self.
The darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
Cyndi said it best.
* * *
Fast-forward to 2024, 36 years later.
Coming out in your personal life, workplace, community - to friends, family, co-workers - has never been easy, but some would say that declaring your sexual orientation has reached a point of general acceptance.
It is true that hard-won rights have been achieved through dogged determination and courage. But I would suggest that coming out is actually more dangerous than ever before, despite the work of individual allies, support organizations, affirming faith communities, and Pride groups.
Dangerous, because many of those in power, who control the permissions of our lives, are filled with hate.
It turns out that the Constitutional rights allowing the LGBTQ+ community to feel a measure of acceptance and security have fragile foundations when control and punishment is yielded by a right-wing Supreme Court.
We are faced with a presidential election that seems to be an arm-wrestling match between insanity and reason. In a few short weeks, we will know which side of the knife's edge will control our lives - which protections will be available to guide us and impact the colors we see.
* * *
"If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities... the expression of love...then life itself loses its meaning." This quote is attributed to Harvey Milk, an icon of the gay liberation movement who was assassinated in 1978.
So be brave. Choose your true colors with joy and authenticity. Do not lose heart.
There are 64 options in the jumbo crayon box. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to your favorite color.
Come out if you feel you can, into the embrace of those who are here for you. We've got a coloring book waiting.
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