NEWFANE — We “met” on datehookup.com. He wrote me an e-mail saying how much he liked my profile and my picture. He was flattering from the word go. How could I not resist the opportunity to know him better?
The next thing I knew, he was messaging me within the site but soon asked for my Yahoo instant message name so we could chat. I thought that would be neat.
We chatted a lot, and I learned that he was divorced and he had a grown son, now attending Oxford.
He then asked for my phone number. I gave it to him. I asked for his. He would not give it to me. I thought nothing of that - although that was an early sign I was a target for a scam - but still there was some doubt in the inner recesses of my mind. He did not call me.
* * *
He told me he was a timber dealer. I told him what I knew of timber, which almost seemed more than he did.
This should have been a warning sign. Scammers often use this ploy, although at the time I did not know that.
He impressed me with pictures of his beautiful house in Waldorf, Md. One thing I did think odd was that he did not spell Waldorf right on his profile page. I even looked to see if there was a city in Maryland spelled “Woldorf.” There was none.
He sent me four pictures of himself, although two did not seem to be the same man. He was pleasingly heavyset, not the strikingly handsome male model pictures that some scammers use. His head was shaved, a look I find attractive. Then there were the pics of the Mediterranean-style house and pool he said were his.
This guy liked to throw figures at me. He said the pool cost half a million; he also said it cost him $100,000 a month to keep his son at Oxford. I did think that a strange figure. He sent me a pic of his son.
He also described himself as a pianist, and told me that when we are together and he has money, he and I will make an album together. I will produce it. He sent me awesome mp3 files of his playing. I am so impressed.
I found out later the music was stolen from a pianist whose works sell on iTunes. He even copied the album cover with one fatal flaw that I found later. The name of the artist he only half blocked to add his name. So much to be said for someone with poor graphic skills.
* * *
Along the way, I did notice things, but his flattery always outweighed my suspicion. He had started the “I love you” stuff early on.
Whenever I started to notice and ask or mention inconsistencies in his story, he would just make another flattering statement.
I was voicing suspicions when he told me about the music. I have produced music before, and music is my first love, so he was clever and picked up on that.
I think I ignored it all because of loneliness, the need for someone special in my life, someone who would notice me and pay attention to me. I really believed we would meet; from the beginning he cemented this in words. Over and over.
So why should an unsuspecting, flattered woman think different? I did not want to think of a scam.
So I just ignored these signs, even though deep down I had grave suspicions. I know it's dumb, but I, like thousands more, fell for it.
* * *
After about a week of chatting, he told me he had exciting news. He said he was of Australian descent. He told me his late father left him a fortune in gold in Ghana, Africa, and he must claim it.
He said his lawyer here had proclaimed his paperwork genuine. He would visit his ailing mother in Australia and get other paperwork his father left. He gave me the detail of his mother's rectal cancer.
After getting the papers, he said he would need to visit Ghana, where the ministry would inspect his papers, and he would follow through the elaborate steps to claim the $5.5 million in gold due to him.
I wondered why his mother was not the beneficiary. But I was blind to this con man, and his charms, so I went along with his story, although it did not add up.
* * *
My phone rang one day at 2 a.m. It was him! I heard no Australian accent. In fact, he sounded more African. Awakened from a sound sleep, I did not question it.
We talked for a very short time, as he was attending a timber conference in Missouri. He said he would be in touch with me soon.
The next day, a call displayed on my caller ID from the same number. I excitedly called it back, only to get a voice mail. I left a happy message.
Much later, he came online and told me I must never call that number. He said he was using the phone of “a man at the timber conference” there in Missouri and said the man did not like it.
He did not call again. He told me he had tried, but the phone he was using does not accept blocked numbers. He then said he has asked the phone's owner to unblock it, but he did not. I told him I had unblocked mine, to no avail.
In an online message, he said he was leaving for Australia to get his papers and said I would hear from him once he arrived in Ghana. I checked time frames for traveling between Australia and Ghana.
* * *
He was back online in no time, having said he made both trips and had settled in Ghana. Over the next few days, he told me of his meetings and how his paperwork to claim the gold looked good. He said he had seen the the actual gold in the actual underground vault.
How exciting for him! I think.
He started calling me from Ghana, and I called him. I was still puzzled by the sound of his African voice, and I questioned him this time. He thought I was silly. He is Australian, not African, he said.
* * *
The next day, as he instant-messaged me, he started to tell me of a great problem he had the night before. Someone came into his room, beat him up, and stole $100,000 in cash in a suitcase.
I was astounded not by this story, but by the fact that a person would stay in a Ghana hotel room with that much cash.
I questioned that over and over.
He said the police would never find the robbers, and he is thankful that he is okay. He says he told the robbers, “Do not hurt me.” He did not even seem bothered by this great loss of all his money.
Once again, dumb me did not pick up on the scam.
* * *
Now he needed my help.
He said he had no money for a safe hotel room in a better hotel. I told him I had no money to give him. He argued with me about caring, love - all the right words a woman of conscience needs to hear.
We wrote back and forth for a long time, and finally I reluctantly agreed to send him $400 via Western Union. I went to Hannaford's and sent him the money.
He instant-messaged me later, finally asking if I sent the money. I resisted saying I had for a long time. When I did, he disappeared. Offline. Boom. Gone! To collect the money, I was sure.
* * *
The next day, he needed more money. He thought I was an easy target now.
Slowly, though, I had been reading and watching YouTube videos about online romance scammers. That is where I spotted the same photo of the person he identified as his “son.” Seems it is a standard stolen picture.
He asked for $50,000. I laughed and confronted him. He lowered his request to a mere $23,000. By now, I knew he was a scammer, so I led him along but did not agree to send him the money. I stopped calling him, e-mailing, him, and instant messaging him. He knew why.
He called me, and I finally talked to and confronted him: About being African. About being a scammer. About the music he has stolen, the stolen pictures, the other lies. I gave it to him good. Then I hung up on him.
* * *
Two days later, he called me again. He just couldn't lose, I guess.
He asked me why I was so mad. He did not have a clue. I guess he had done this as his living for so long it just came second nature to him. Why would I not still be his friend?
His friend? I was trying to report him, to turn him in.
Unfortunately, there is no way to do that, with no agreement between the U.S. and Africa about scammers. Thus they are free to steal from whoever is vulnerable enough to send them money.
There is no law against doing that in Ghana, Africa, and many other countries. There, the victim is the guilty party. We victims should have known better.
* * *
I agree with that: I should have known better. Scammers steal millions of dollars a year from unsuspecting and vulnerable men and woman like me.
Since this happened to me, I have found pictures of large rooms in Ghana with many men sitting at PCs. This is big business for them. For these men, the con is their job, their only livelihood. And they are good at it too.
Many outsource their phones through a city in the United States, paying for calls to be routed through from Africa so it looks like someone is calling from Texas or Missouri or some other U.S. state. Sure, it costs big money, but in Ghana or the U.K., this is big business, and they are making big money. I read where these men work for one “employer” who in turn pays them commission on their scams.
Most all online romance sites are loaded with scammers - even the big ones. So if you are there, beware.
* * *
Advice I have since heeded?
• Know whom you are talking to: Stay away from men or women in other countries or even more than a few states away from you. If you are too far away to meet in person, then perhaps you should not get that familiar longing for this man or woman in the first place.
Your same state or a few hours' drive to meet is far enough - and even then, use caution.
• Do not add people to your Yahoo instant message (or other IM service) after someone's first e-mail to you. That will let scammers make their first move into your life.
• Watch for another warning sign: Scammers will “suggest” you remove yourself from the dating site you are on. They will proclaim that you are now exclusively for one another. Then they will also delete their profile.
Don't fall for this ploy. Scammers want you not to meet anyone else because they now know you are their next victim. Also, when they delete their profiles, you can no longer report them to the site itself. These dating sites do want you to report potential scammers.
Sometimes the means to achieve the love we seek is not worth the price we really pay - a price measured not just in dollars but in trust and emotional stability. Behind that handsome or beautiful façade lurks a predator of a new and different breed.