GUILFORD — The recent Kavanaugh confirmation hearings illustrate to me the confluence of heterosexual white male privilege, sexism, and power.
To be honest, I thought Kavanaugh lied in the initial hearing before the accusations of sexual assault. But before these allegations, I was simply an angry progressive helplessly watching the Supreme Court turn definitively toward the right.
This week was different.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault. I have “dealt” with these experiences over the course of my life, and I was surprised at how triggered I was by these hearings.
Is it because I am also from Bethesda? Is it because I know the Georgetown Prep boys?
These facts may have played a part, but the most triggering part for me was the denial of Christine Blasey Ford's experience.
There are holes in her story: She doesn't remember how she got home, she doesn't remember whose house it was at. These excuses are infuriating, and even more infuriating is the current GOP line, “She certainly experienced something terrible, but she is mistaken that it was Brett Kavanaugh.” This statement is as invalidating as saying she made the whole thing up.
* * *
In my senior year of high school, probably in the fall, I went to a party at my friend John's house. I don't remember how I got there. It was an unsupervised party, and there was a lot of pot and beer.
I flirted with a cute guy who was from an area private school. I don't remember his name. When I went into the bedroom to get something from my purse (I don't remember what), the boy followed me, pushed me down on the bed, and tried to remove my clothes.
Fortunately, I was trained in self-defense, so I kicked him off me.
When I came out of the bedroom, John pulled me aside because he said I looked upset. I told him that the guy had jumped me, but I kicked him off.
John praised my actions. I went home. I do not remember how I got home or even going home.
* * *
I have not told this story until Ford told her story, because I had believed that my only acceptable response to the assault was to feel proud. I did not even consider that I had felt tremendous fear.
There are a lot of things that are fuzzy from that evening. But I know one thing for sure: everything that I do remember from that evening 50 years ago is clear as a bell.
It seems to me that all of the Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee and Kavanaugh are caught in a dilemma particular to white, heterosexual, privileged men.
When these men were teenagers, it was OK for white privileged boys to party and drink, and if that led to something inappropriate, that was just boys being boys. (Just look at the sarcastic words of Yale's Whiffenpoof Song.) Had Ford reported her assault, she would have been laughed at by the police: she got away, nothing happened, so what was she complaining about?
I can see how hard it is for these guys to accept that behavior they believed was acceptable back in the day is no longer acceptable. And because it is no longer acceptable, the GOP members of the committee and Kavanaugh currently really do find this behavior unacceptable.
So Kavanaugh either has to admit what he did and apologize, or he has to lie and they have to pretend that they believe him. And because they have to believe his lies, Mr. Kavanaugh's display of righteous indignation was deemed not only appropriate but laudable.
Kavanaugh is the poster boy for white male privilege. Had Ford been assaulted by two African-American boys, she would have been able to report the assault to the police; she would have been taken seriously, and the boys would have been in trouble.
The only reason Kavanaugh can be confirmed now is because the rich white boys don't want to lose their power.