BRATTLEBORO — Listen up, men! No, not to me. Listen to everyone around you who is not male.
Look, it is far too easy to run on the assumption that everyone's experiences are like our own.
When we take a second to think about it, we know this isn't true, but still we often relate to people under the idea that their lives have essentially been like ours.
If we speak up in a meeting and get listened to, then surely that is what it is like for everyone. If we can talk about business, cars, sports, etc., and our ideas are not dismissed out of hand, then of course it is the same for other folks.
If we can go on a date with a semi-acquaintance and not have an undercurrent of fear that we might face more than just awkward silence before the end, then no one has that fear.
Right?
When we put on our logic hats, of course we know that those assumptions aren't right. But in our day-to-day lives, how much do we truly internalize it?
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How much do we know about what other people - especially those whose gender doesn't match our own - go through daily? My bet is that it is not nearly as much as we think.
But we already listen, right? We listen to others talk about stuff, while we drink our coffee, check our phone, and write that important email for work.
It's not enough. We need to listen to others how we used to listen to our older brothers, our shop teachers, our coaches, our professors, and our fathers. These were the people who imparted life lessons to us.
Listen like that. Don't challenge. Absorb. (You can apply your critical thinking skills later.)
But why does it matter if we listen? We have our own lives to lead, right? If something sucks in life, then we pull up our big-boy underoos and we deal with it.
So what do we gain by listening?
How about a better understanding of our world? How about a better understanding of our loved ones? How about new ideas and perspectives that might spark something inside us that never would have ignited before? How about a sense that you are not alone?
What do they get out of your listening? They get to be heard. Their experiences are affirmed and maybe, just maybe, understood.
There is so much power in being heard. There is power and freedom in getting to share who you are with another human being. So when you hear people, you get to share in their power and they get to share in yours.
So guys, let's start hearing the people around you who aren't “guys.”
Let's hear their stories. Hear their experiences. Hear their voices. If nothing else, hear their silence.