BRATTLEBORO — It's been a time of growth at the Women's Freedom Center, and some of the bigger shifts are benefiting our smallest guests.
While support of resident kids has always been our collective work, the addition of a children's advocate last fall has dramatically enhanced what we can offer youth during their stay in our shelter.
When kids flee domestic violence with their moms, some of their first needs are similar: a sense of safety - clearly - and a chance just to get their bearings in a new place, often without most of their familiar belongings.
Then begins the gradual process of healing, sorting through feelings about what's happened, and trying to achieve a slow return of normalcy.
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Our children's advocate makes it her colorful mission to help shape first impressions, and the whole shelter experience, from a kid's-eye view.
For starters, her office is right beside the shelter coordinator's, and when moms have their initial conversations with staff, kids too get some one-on-one time: they're invited to have their own appointment just next door, where they can cozy up in a beanbag chair, chat if they'd like to.
They also receive an age-appropriate welcome kit, which might include a stuffed animal and a nightlight, or perhaps a journal for older kids to decorate and then write or draw in. Each child can also choose some new toys and special items, which will be theirs to keep.
There's another nice surprise in the play room next door.
In one corner, there is now a comfy and decorated alone-time nook (a big refurbished box, magically outfitted with curtained windows and a cushioned floor, plus books and some fun solo activities).
Young kids can choose to crawl into it whenever they feel overwhelmed, or if they would just like some space in the midst of all the activity. It helps them learn to identify how they're feeling, and it creates an acceptable way to ask for some privacy. They can also place a cheery sign - “I need Alone Time, please” - outside the box if they want.
Downstairs is another favorite hangout for kids - in fact, one of them just created the paint-and-glitter sign outside: “It's the Art Room! Anything Can Happen!” From the time they open the door, kids know it's a zone for some serious fun.
There's a wall-sized fabric mural of a forest scene, lots of kid-made masterpieces, and all around, a multicolor assortment of supplies that invite young artists to experiment.
Although there's always an adult present, the floor is allowed to stay “wild and free” (i.e. messy in this particular room), and kids love it.
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It's against this whole vibrant backdrop that our children's advocate helps foster a sense of safety, self-worth, and learning among the kids.
Over time, she's seen the positive impact of their life in shelter. Where play might be tentative and subdued at first, there's a welcome shift to animation and silliness, as well as more inventive games among siblings.
For instance, one recent 2-year-old guest crashed toys together over and over when he first arrived. After a few weeks, though, he and his older sister became more cooperative and created storylines together in elaborate games.
People sometimes have the wrong impression of what it's like here, our children's advocate says.
“This is not a doom and gloom place, for kids or their moms either!” she points out.
Kids are resilient. They laugh here and have fun - as do the adults.
Ideally, some really good lifelong memories are made right here in our shelter.