A couple of years ago, I read a book that changed my life forever. Okay, it didn't do all the work but it planted some seeds of change.
With the cost of cigarettes rising and my health declining, I read The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. (If you're a smoker, this is a must-read. I highly recommend it.) I was determined to sever my addiction to cigarettes and finished the book in one afternoon.
I was 28 then and had been smoking since I was 11 years old. (Oh, wow - that sounds so horrible!) I wished I never started. I didn't want to smoke any more, but at the same time, I was terrified to stop.
I was so badly addicted. The cigarette was my ball and chain. I couldn't go anywhere without it. Sometimes, the craving would wake me at night.
In my warped state of mind, if I had to choose one over the other, the cigarette was more important than food, sex, or material things.
As I read my new book, I wondered: My hands would be idle; what would I do with my free time? How would I “get going” in the morning? Shift gears between projects? Digest a meal? Would I gain a lot of weight?
These questions - the very fact that I was asking these questions - disgusted me. I didn't want to be dependent on cigarettes anymore. I wanted to be free.
* * *
Years of seeing cigarette advertising and watching the smokers on television only helped to reinforce my false belief that smoking was enjoyable. In the book, I learned how my smoking addiction was mostly psychological. I also learned that the body works hard to detox every time you light up, so after a few days of not smoking, the nicotine will be gone from your system.
I smoked my last cigarette around midnight, had a glass of water, and went to sleep. I didn't sleep long and woke a couple times during the night.
Usually, I would step out for a smoke when I couldn't sleep.
Not this time.
* * *
For the next three days, I was very infant-like. Moody, cranky, tired, emotional ... extremely emotional.
I cried - no, I sobbed - a lot, and I was a mess of uncertainty. What if these feelings never went away? Would I spend the rest of my life longing for a cigarette? I wished I could have a guarantee that it would all be okay and that I would be truly happy without cigarettes.
On day four, I had an argument with a family member, grabbed one of his cigarettes, stuck it in my mouth, and stormed outside (the whole time acting as if it was all his fault that I was about to relapse).
I stood there in the cold with the cigarette hanging from my mouth. The lighter was warm in my hand. I lit the damn thing and took two small puffs. Deep down, I knew that this was no one's fault and that smoking was my own choice.
I looked at the smoldering death stick. It was not what I expected. It tasted gross and smelled bad, and I instantly felt lightheaded.
What was I doing?
I put it out and reaffirmed my goal: psychological freedom.
* * *
I developed what I considered to be a major problem with lollipops. I was eating more than a bag each day, which wasn't the worst thing in the world in comparison to smoking. But I was concerned they might damage my oral health, so I cut them out of my routine.
The pops were replaced by a camera. I carried a little point-and-shoot camera in my purse and took it everywhere. This kept my hands busy and my mind engaged. I took so many photos - photos of everything. I soon had a new passion: photography.
Every morning was better than the last, and each evening was more restful. Week two was better than week one. Week three was better than week two. And so on.
At three months I almost forgot I ever smoked. I was a new person. Life really is better without cigarettes!
* * *
For more than half my life, I had been a slave to my own addiction. In my experience, smoking really suppressed my creativity. Once the withdrawals passed, I felt happier, healthier, more positive, more joyful, more ambitious, more energetic.
I felt closer to my family and was taking more pictures. I attended a few darkroom classes. I was reading more, and I was writing, painting, drawing, and sculpting.
I had a hunger for new experiences. I went outside more and enjoyed walking, running, and hiking. I climbed mountains, rode horses, and traveled a lot. I felt less fear and anxiety and had an increase in self-confidence and worth. I fell in love with life.
* * *
It has been over two years since I smoked my last cigarette. My advice to anyone who smokes and wants to quit? Read that book. If nothing else, it'll plant a seed.
And when you're ready, trust yourself and your reasons. You will feel great!
You're not quitting anything. You're reclaiming your life.